I’m embracing chapter four. Chapter four is being at home with my two kids: Akka (big sister) and Malli (little brother).
Chapter one was my own childhood. Then chapter two: student life and the residual years of figuring out what came next. What came next was chapter three, being an urban planner. And now that’s on hold while I concentrate on chapter four. I don’t know how long chapter four lasts. I don’t know what chapter five will look like. But this chapter will be documented.
first post back in 2008:
A reluctant, but optimistic, stay at home mom:
I’ve made a switch: no more rushing kids to daycare before the 9am team meeting. No more leaving them crying at the daycare door because I can’t stay a few minutes to get them settled in. No more scrambling for childcare when one kid is sick and both of us have meetings we can’t cancel. No more yelling at Akka who won’t eat her breakfast and won’t put on her socks: “I don’t have time for this! Come ON”. No more paid work. I’m staying home.
No more feeling relevant and smart and engaged? No more sense of satisfaction from watching projects that I worked on actually get built? No more crazy-fun-busy days debating how this urban region should, could and will grow?
I arrived here, a stay-at-home mother of two, reluctantly. But I also can’t wait to dive into it. I’m an urban planner and I had a great job doing almost exactly what I wanted to be doing at this stage in my career. But the rushing was too hard and too stressful and not fun. A few months ago it dawned on me that while I can have it all, I can’t have it all at the same time. So it’s going to be kids now, and back to urban planning later.
And, it hasn’t even started yet. I’ve got 6 weeks of work left. Then it’ll be me, Akka and Malli all day, every day. Yikes.
Chapter Four 
Wonderful to be writing it as you’re doing it, and picturing it as well!
Thanks for this –
M
I really have a lot of sympathy for where you are. I was in advertising (very high stress) for nine years and then transitioned to urban school teaching (three years) and then quit working altogether when my oldest son was born four years ago. I struggle daily with feeling smart or engaged or even remotely interesting/showered/creative (oops – did I reveal the unshowered part?) and am thrilled to finally be finishing my M.A. so I can commence with adjunct teaching next Fall. To finally get a paycheck (however small) again and to do what I do well…I’m looking forward to it. Some days at home are really hard, but you can’t have it all, and I wouldn’t want to be working full-time, either!